Gotta mixed bag of feelings as i get ready to head overseas on my first deployment. I've been to West Africa, and seen first hand human suffering at the hands of a corrupt and pagan government, torn by war. I've suffered through 115 degree heat under a cloudless and windless sky. I've even been held at gunpoint and robbed by uniformed national soldiers with an AK47 as an unarmed civilian, all while not even the adult age of 21. Yet here i am, 11 years later. I'm older and wiser, having done more than most men my age, with a wonderful and beautiful and loving and supportive girlfriend, who will one day be my wife, at home waiting for me. And yet, I am a little nervous. Nervous at the unknown, the unfamiliar, the danger that awaits me half a world away. These feelings don't make me less of a man. In fact, they make me HU-MAN. They let me know that I'm alive, have a shred of saneness, am normal. I should be more fearful of NOT having said feelings and doubts and anxiety.
I know my purpose in life. I was made a healer. Its a gift and a job I've been doing for the last 10 years. And now i take another stride in my journey. Led by men, and by God. Some call it deja vu, others prophetic visions. All i know is since I've joined the Army, they have increased in vividness and number. All this points to the fact that i am right where the Lord wants me, and am best suited to do His will. I will strive to maintain honor, integrity, courage and resolve in the face of an unknown and, at times, unidentifiable enemy. I will do my job and any other tasks assigned to me to the best of my human abilities, not striving for earthly honor or glory, but that people will catch a glimpse of God's hands in my actions and life. I will be in the cradle of civilization, mere steps from where God formed man from the dust and breathed life into his body, and said "It is good!" I pray that after my tour is up, God will once again say "it is good!" I pray for His covering and protection and guidance in my journey, so that i may return safely to my family, and to my future wife.
A verse jumped out to me today as i was reading in the Bible some passages given to me by my father.
Psalm 64:
1 Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint;
protect my life from the threat of the enemy.
2 Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,
from the plots of evildoers.
3 They sharpen their tongues like swords
and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.
4 They shoot from ambush at the innocent;
they shoot suddenly, without fear.
5 They encourage each other in evil plans,
they talk about hiding their snares;
they say, “Who will see it?”
6 They plot injustice and say,
“We have devised a perfect plan!”
Surely the human mind and heart are cunning.
7 But God will shoot them with his arrows;
they will suddenly be struck down.
8 He will turn their own tongues against them
and bring them to ruin;
all who see them will shake their heads in scorn.
9 All people will fear;
they will proclaim the works of God
and ponder what he has done.
10 The righteous will rejoice in the LORD
and take refuge in him;
all the upright in heart will glory in him!
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